Dear God - it’s 2028

Sure enough, there was an intensely bright light, I was overcome with a floating sensation and I rapidly came to the conclusion that I had carked it. Instead of panic, I felt very comfortable and at peace in my new space.

Disappointing in a way though, as I had agreed with my close friends that the best way to expire, was to be shot by a jealous husband at 107 years of age.

The wide, steep staircase was just ahead and with no effort at all, I sprang up them two at a time and met an old guy in a reception area that I assumed was Saint Peter.

"Nice to see you Pete !" I happily said

"Nice to see you Stuart, you're a bit earlier than planned, it's only 2028. Should've gone to Specsavers, since you kept consuming smarties instead of your blood thinners. Anyway, you're allowed a conversation with the big boss if you want, before checking on to your boat.

"You mean God, el supremo? That would be great thanks! And a boat? Wow! If only those atheists knew."

"Don't get too excited, it's only a monohull, but comfy enough. Anyway God's just around the corner to the right and He's expecting you.

Rounding the corner, I entered a comfortable lounge room with an assortment of photos of boats on the walls and three large comfortable chairs around a polished timber coffee table. There was a mature, elegant women sitting in the chair to the right. I started to look around for a minute and said to the woman that I was due to meet God.

"That's me in the very person" She said in a Scottish accent, and my jaw dropped. I stuttered and finally blurted out, "Very nice to meet you but you're a little different to what I imagined. For a start you're much younger looking and I though you would have a thick Jewish accent".

"And be a man perhaps?" she laughed, "that always shocks you Christians who've watched too many Hollywood movies about biblical times".

Without warning, she transformed into an old man with a beard and started to speak in a heavy Jewish accent, "I like to have a bit of fun too!. OK tell me how was your life?"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, it was great, but it went too fast! Can I ask some questions please?" I asked. He nodded His approval. "Yes, but you only get one question!"