Psychology: help yourself to a secure life

Good SIMIs, that is. Therapists themselves can be terrific or terrible, at small interactions. But all round us, in everyday life, are opportunities for positive SIMIs. In a favourite coffee shop, the author suggests, or on the walk to work. My psyche thinks more of a small bar or intimate venue.

The second part, Living in Secure Mode, rehearses the attachment styles. "When you are surrounded by people you feel really good about," instructs Levine, "your brain switches to secure mode and expends less energy on defensive vigilance." Thus, social interactions can help, with daunting tasks like study, exercise, or moving house.

What's your general attachment-style, your style in particular relationships? These you can readily suss out on paper, or online at the author's website. There aren't the 100s of questions, of personality-inventories like MMPI.

Think of suddenly getting a message like "call, we need to talk." Instinctively, the secure types might imagine good news, the anxious not-so-good, while the avoidant might struggle to even respond.

Low on anxiety and avoidance, secures constitute half or more of us. As if giving these fortunate types a pass, Levine devotes special chapters to the anxious, the avoidant, plus a smaller-minority fourth type, fearful (or anxious) avoidant.

Secures are "dandelions" who might flourish any old where, whereas the anxious are likened to "orchids", capable of great stuff when anchored in supportive soil. For these types, Levine recommends special techniques – don't let yourself or others gaslight you unnecessarily, don't get trapped in negative or repeatedly non-CARRP relationships.

Avoidants too, so Levine argues, have gene-variations conferring natural consolations. They can employ tactical workarounds, to avoid going-it-alone on relationships, or indeed going in too hard. Fearful avoidants, however, should do "gradual" exposure to closeness, weeding out "insecure" connections.

By now, non-secure attachment types could be forgiven, for feeling somewhat insecure. Part three The Secure Mind is a sort of olive-branch. As in, your DNA inheritances and early experiences aren't your destiny, you too can create a secure life.

Despite the genetic underlays of our attachment-styles, Levine emphasises that childhood styles can shift by adulthood, the teenage years being a critical juncture.

Clinical experience has made him more reluctant, to infer that our childhoods condition or channel adult experiences. He encourages the reader to think likewise. Rather than unpacking childhood dramas, "proven-to-work" cognitive-behavioural and other evidence-based therapies tend to start from where you're at.

As a species, we "can't help" but compare ourselves with others. We're wired to assess how well others will (or will not) collaborate. Thus, you can train yourself to do better at secure collaborations and avoid invidious ones. To that end, the book includes a separate collaborative-assessment scale and workplace case-studies.

In DNA terms, each of us is a "one of a kind" masterpiece. As a therapist, Levine strives to capitalise on that uniqueness. Seeming personal liabilities could be "hidden sparks" of talent, to be drawn out. Secure-priming therapy encourages subjects to develop a secure "spiel", a more balanced narrative about themselves and the world around.

Plus, the therapist can inject real-time "secure coaching", to bust up unhelpful SIMI tropes. Yep, that means being available, outside the classical hour-on-the-couch of New Yorker cartoons. But subjects can also self-coach, using AI as one aid. For example, how to respond aptly, if your bestie cancels on you at the last minute, or your colleague just sent you this rancid email.

Plaudits to Levine, translating for ordinary readers, his career-immersion in attachment science and techniques. It appeals, as a very consequential addition to the evidence-based psych therapies. Hope it finds take-up among our counselling professions. Again, a keen reader can do a fair bit of self-help, with the resources set out here.