Warm royal welcome, down to a T

Some Palm Islanders really turned it on and left a lasting picture in a young boy's mind. Forget Charlie Drake's old 60's hit, My Boomerang Won't Come Back – these islanders had them whizzing high in the air or spinning towards the crowds before they'd turn and zoom back to the thrower's hand.

They peeled coconuts with their bare teeth, then lit fires using a couple of sticks, but the best part was the spear throwing.

These days the precision display would be M Rated, or at least come with the warning, "Don't try this at home, kids."

The spear throwers weren't mucking about and they used each other as moving targets. They didn't carry large shields like some African counterparts, just sticks which they deftly used to flick the spear away at the last possible moment.

Philip had developed a deserved reputation over the years for a wacky sense of humour, which has often been interpreted as foot in mouth disease, but I think on one occasion at least, this was totally unwarranted.

During a visit to a Queensland Aboriginal Cultural Centre in 2002, he casually asked an indigenous leader, "Do you still throw spears at each other?"

Shock, horror! He didn't anticipate the media storm that generated, with accusations of condescending racism and bad taste. But I think his mind was back when, as a young man in a white Naval officer's suit, he was entertained by some skilled indigenous protagonists under a hot Townsville sun.

If you're up there reading this, Philip, I was a small part of the letter 'T'; the one with no shoes…

(Footnote: There is unlikely to be any concerted campaign to dump traditional ties with the Royals or the Motherland while Liz still rules, but that will probably change dramatically if her "woke" son, Prince Charles, ever succeeds her.

A clued-up contact told me recently, " If Charles outlives his mother, I'll become a Republican, no matter how bad the nominee for President is."

I'm not sure I'd go quite that far if the candidates included either of a pair of former prime ministers who continue to haunt the political scene like miserable ghosts. Time will tell.

But King Charles? I won't be out in the sun, waving)