A politically-correct guide to film censorship

'Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory' (1971)'s titular character is a ruthless neoliberal with no care for health and safety regulations and he runs his factory off slave labour. Clearly this movie is responsible for children of the 70s growing up and thinking capitalist oppression is okay and this movie, and its 2005 remake, should not be allowed.

'The Godfather' (1972) is full of outdated ethnic stereotypes and it promotes hetero-normative family dynamics. In the name of diversity and inclusivity we must remove it!

'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' (1975) needs to be renamed as 'cuckoo' is an inappropriate term for the mentally ill. Likewise, 'Mad Max' (1979) should be renamed to 'Mentally Unwell Max'.

'Star Wars' (1977) is a far right-wing fantasy featuring a young reactionary who takes up arms against an Empire in order to save a Princess who is oppressed by the ultra-conservative, damsel-in-distress archetype. Time to outlaw it!

Both 'Raging Bull' and 'The Shining' (1980) have protagonists who are wife-beaters.

'The Silence of the Lambs' (1991) features Anthony Hopkins as a cannibalistic serial killer despite the fact that, as far as the world is aware, Hopkins has never killed or eaten another human being. It is therefore inappropriate for that actor to portray Hannibal Lecter without having the lived experience of being a serial killer and such casting only perpetuates the casting of conventional, white, male, heterosexual, non-serial killer actors to the detriment of actors who are outside those identities.

Tom Hanks won back-to-back Oscars for playing first a gay man and then disabled person in 'Philadelphia' (1993) and 'Forrest Gump' (1994) respectively, despite being neither gay nor intellectually impaired. Some would say that this is testament to his versatility, I would say that it was bigoted and narrow-minded casting and I demand that these Oscars be returned!

'Schindler's List' (1993) is triggering for victims of the holocaust and, though its hero saves the lives of countless Jews during the holocaust, he was a privileged, straight, white male and a card-carrying member of the Nazi Party and a person's identity is far more important than their actions.. Similarly, we need to ban 'Lincoln' (2012) because Abraham Lincoln was a Republican.

'The Shawshank Redemption' (1994) is set predominantly in an all-male prison and has not even close to fifty-fifty gender representation. We need to reshoot it with female prisoners.

Likewise 'Fight Club' (1999), which tells the story of white-collar men getting together in underground fight clubs as an outlet for their repressed masculinity spurns gender parity in the clubs. Time for it to be pulled from streaming services and a reboot starring Melissa McCarthy to be commissioned.

'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy (2001-03) is a near faultless adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy series, unfortunately that series is full of jingoistic worship of the West with xenophobic portrayals of the East. Why did Peter Jackson have to focus on capturing the spirit of the books and instead focused on capturing what he could foresee to be the values of 2020 from his vantage point in the early 2000s? Hopefully the upcoming Amazon Lord of the Rings series will correct these mistakes with its commitment to casting people of all races as elves (described as 'fair' in the books) and maybe just maybe it will show that Orc lives matter.

'Selma' (2014) tells the story of the well-known, white supremacist, Martin Luther King Jr. who was guilty of the hate-speech of dreaming of the day where men were judged 'not by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character'. This is offensive for today's Black Lives Matter generation.

Of course, James Bond is a chauvinistic, imperialist, white male in a boy's fantasy about the continuation of the British Empire, and he will have to go. To rectify his inter-generational popularity, it is high time that the Bond films were remade with a plus-sized, differently-abled, nonbinary, transracial person in the lead who serves not her Majesty's Secret Service, but the interests of global justice.

So, what's left? The new Star Wars trilogy, the all-female, 'Ghostbusters' (2016) and the all-female, 'Ocean's Eight' (2018), 'Terminator: Dark Fate' (2019) and the latest Charlie's Angles reboot (2019) all conform to contemporary politically-correct standards. The audience response to most of these movies was pretty lukewarm, but audiences don't know what's good for them.