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Bullying: It’s time to focus on solutions

By Dannielle Miller - posted Tuesday, 30 August 2011


This year, Australia made a step in the right direction, with the first-ever National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence.

I work with young girls and their parents, and I am often asked about how to stop bullying. The recent tragedy of teenage girl Daani Sanders taking her own life and the media reports that bullying on Facebook may have played a role, heightened concerns that the on-line world, in particular, has become the new dark playground for "Mean Girls."

Ensuring our children can learn free from taunts, blows and soul-destroying rumors will take a whole-community approach.

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What schools can do:

We all need a whole-school culture that makes it clear bullying will not be tolerated. Steps that I have seen work in schools include:

• Strong peer-support programs, where older children buddy up with younger ones and look out for them;

• A zero-tolerance approach to any bullying incident;

• Celebrations of difference, such as school multicultural days, gender awareness programs, anti-homophobia initiatives; and

• Getting the local police youth liaison officer in to discuss the topic with students, which the police are more than happy to do.

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Bystanders, take a stand:

I think this year, the National Day of Action organisers got it right, when they chose to focus on encouraging bystanders to do more to stop bullying.

Let's consider the video that did the rounds earlier in the year on YouTube of a NSW teen boy throwing another boy to the ground in retaliation for bullying. The teen had been subjected to bullying for years and tried to turn the other cheek-until on this day, in his own words, he "snapped."

I was disturbed that many in the media portrayed the bullied boy, Casey, as a hero for fighting back. A Current Affair noted that he had "finally stood up for himself," as though up until then he'd been somehow morally weak and that the only true way to stand up for yourself is to use physical force.

I empathise with the boy who had been bullied, victimised and assaulted repeatedly before retaliating. But I think if we want to use the word "hero," we should look at the girl at the end of the video.

After the assaults, a friend of the bully comes forward to retaliate against the assault on the bully. The girl walks over and stands between them and assertively tells the bully's friend to back off.

One of the things that alarmed me in that video was the number of bystanders doing nothing or, worse still, filming the violence. The standard we walk past is the standard we set.

That girl was amazing. The fact that she came forward to stop the violence, in a nonviolent way, is to be celebrated and encouraged in all schools.

Teachers are of course responsible for doing everything they can to stop bullying. But the reality is that in 85% of cases, bullying takes place when there are no adults around. That's why it is so important to create a school culture in which bullying is not tolerated and bystanders are encouraged to step up and say: "It's not on!"

Get real about bullying:

Even today there are still some people who think bullying is just harmless name-calling. Bullying takes numerous serious forms:

Verbal-name calling, teasing, verbal abuse, humiliation, sarcasm, insults, threats;

Physical-punching, kicking, scratching, tripping, spitting;

Social-ignoring, excluding, alienating, making inappropriate gestures; and

Psychological-spreading rumours, glaring, hiding or damaging possessions, malicious texts, email messages, twitter or Facebook comments, inappropriate use of camera phones.

Allare very damaging.

Know the signs:

I interviewed the Police Youth Liaison Officer at Castle Hill in Sydney, Senior Constable Rob Patterson, to find out more about bullying. He told me that his number one piece of advice to kids who are being bullied is: "Tell someone, and if they don't listen, tell someone else."

That this advice is even necessary highlights the sad fact that only a small number of children who are being bullied, actually tell an adult about it.

In fact, the father of the boy in the video who retaliated against bullying told A Current Affair: "I didn't realise how much trouble he was actually in until I'd seen that video . . . you poor little bloke, how many years did you put up with this sort of treatment?"

That means it's important for teachers and parents to be aware of the signs, such as:

• Refusing to go to school;

• A drop in academic performance;

• Changes in appetite or sleeping patterns;

• Bruises, scratches and other injuries; and

• Changes in personality, e.g., becoming withdrawn or angry.

Call bullying what it really is:

Senior Constable Patterson noted that the police and legal system tend not to use the term "bullying," because it softens people's perception of offences that may be very serious.

The police call bullies' offences what they really are: "Assault," "intimidation" and "online harassment."

If we also begin using the correct terms for these offences, we will begin to acknowledge the serious impact that bullying has on victims. We will also send a clear message to bullies that their actions won't be tolerated anymore.

What parents can do:

If you notice signs that your child might be the victim of bullying, raise your concerns sensitively with them. Most important of all, listen and get all the facts, then work with the school to try and resolve the situation.

If you feel that the school isn't doing enough, go to the police. Senior Constable Patterson noted that the police usually contact the school as a first step and this may spur the school to take further action.

"Don't forget that it is a criminal offence to make another person scared for their safety and the police can, and do, get involved daily," says Senior Constable Patterson.

However, he stressed that it is important to have evidence. One of the most common reasons that a school fails to take legal action is because they don't have proof of the offence.

In the absence of evidence, he recommends that parents encourage their children to ask witnesses of the bullying to write down what they saw.

Court action is not the only police solution. They may first seek another way of resolving the bullying. For example, a talk with the police is often enough of a warning to a bully that they need to stop harassing the victim.

Ultimately, if you have tried everything and you are still not satisfied that your child is safe from bullying the move schools! Many kids thrive with a fresh start.

Set a good example:

All the anti-bullying campaigns in the world won't make a difference if children are surrounded by examples of adult discrimination and bullying. This means it is important to never make negative comments about other people's race, gender, sexuality, weight, appearance, name, accent, voice and so on.

Bullies need us, too:

I also want to emphasise another reason for putting a stop to bullying: The need to improve outcomes for the bullies themselves.

There is ample research to show that bullies are more likely to drop out of school, use drugs and alcohol and engage in criminal behaviour. They have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30. Bullies need intervention by schools, parents and the community to help them curb their aggression.

Helpful resources:

Bullyingnoway.com.au-a website filled with practical anti-bullying strategies for schools, including activities specifically designed for different groups, such as the whole school, individual classrooms, parents and students.

National Safe Schools Framework (updated in 2011)-The Federal Government's vision and guiding principles to help schools develop a whole-school approach to preventing bullying; includes a resource manual featuring an audit tool, a review of the research and literature on bullying, and resources to help schools implement the framework.

Kids Helpline, 1800 55 1800.

Lifeline, 13 11 14.

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About the Author

Dannielle Miller is the CEO of Enlighten Education, a national company that works with teenage girls in high schools on developing positive body image and self esteem. Enlighten is the 2007 Australian Small Business Champion for Children's Services. She is also the author of an award winning blog for parents and educators on girls’ issues: enlighteneducation.edublogs.org. Dannielle is author of The Butterfly Effect pblished by Random House (2009). Dannielle's website is www.danniellemiller.com.au.

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