Before we call it a ‘crisis,’ what is the true situation behind domestic violence?

Singling out one gender is not helpful

My personal experience suggests that the problem is not gender so much as situational. It is a couple problem and telling only one half of the couple to take responsibility tackles only half the problem.

Decades ago I did some inadvertent anthropological study of men who had committed domestic violence.

I was in a relationship that involved a lot of screaming and yelling, and teetered on the edge of violence, so I insisted we get counselling, which resulted in me being put in a "men's group."

There seemed to be three types out of the 15, maybe 20, men in the group. There were the patriarchal/misogynistic, the violent, and the vulnerable.

The patriarch was a recent Italian migrant, (say 6.7 percent of the sample) who didn't seem to have adjusted to a culture where women were equal to men. Of the truly violent there was only one (6.7 percent again) and he was aggressive to those of us around the table, threatening to punch at least one person.

And then there were the rest (86.6 percent), men who could tell you how they felt, but for whom the problem was significantly situational, arising from their partnership dynamics. I know mine was as I've never had a problem in another relationship since.

The prime minister remarked at the rally that we need to "focus on perpetrators and focus on prevention," so treating half the problem continues.

6 ideas for dealing with the problem

First, treat this as a couple problem.

Both men and women need to deal with the situation better. It's not right for your partner to hit you, but it's not wise to put yourself in a position where this might happen, or even provoke it.

Learn to recognise the signs and avoid those situations. We apply risk minimisation in most other spheres of life, why not this one.

Second, target the geographical areas of high need where there is poverty and dysfunction and understand that the solution could actually be better economic opportunity, or activities that give a sense of self-worth.

Third, acknowledge Australia's success relative to the past and the rest of the world today.