A globalised world of Whimsies

Globalisation: so what's new, eh?

Look, it's been around for ages. There is very little you need to know about Globalisation as a phenomenon that you cannot get from a quick sampling of history's less savoury pages. Here is how to recognize the process of Globalisation at work:

1. It is always done for the Greater Good.

2. The Greater Good always means exactly what the Globalisers want it to mean, not what you might think it means. Or anybody else, for that matter.

3. People who are pro-Globalisation are full of mind-numbingly boring rhetoric.

4. People who are publicly against Globalisation are either dead, in prison ... or on a waiting list

5. The law is almost always on the side of the Globalisers

6. So are most of the guns.

7. However, Globalisers do not have a sense of humour. This is the easiest way to spot them.

With those seven simple rules in mind, I propose this short tour of the History of Globalisation.

http://www.ganesha.org/hall/gallery.html – This link will take you to a brief introduction to some of history's great globalisers, such as they were. I wish I could tell you this was humour ... I mean, that's my job, right? Sadly, these guys make my point all too clearly. The owners of this site are very big on the "Business Is War" thing. I recommend you wander about two thirds of the way down the left-hand side and check out the really lame jokes under Genghis Khan. You'll find a link there which takes you to the book this mob are flogging off: http://www.ganesha.org/wos/

Still think Globalisation is a shiny new issue after that? I can't resist this – a link to one of my all-time favourite films, all about the career of the Great Globaliser Genghis "Why can't anybody put the bloody 'h' in the right place in my name?" Khan. I feel it adds no end of poignancy to the story of one of the truly magnificent early efforts at Total Globalisation: http://www.rinkworks.com/badmovie/reader/359.shtml

Here's an interesting and entertaining page with lots of exciting links, all to do with one of the more recent attempts at Globalisation. Find out what to do when They come knocking at your door ...

Still not with me? Well, what could be more symptomatic of modern Globalisation than the world-spanning fashion industry? And – using my Seven Rules of Recognition – who would be perhaps the most famous Globalisers of the 20th century? http://www.thethirdrail.com/hugo/

(I told you so, didn't I?)

Who can resist this classic reference to one of the world's great Globalisation near-misses? Certainly not I. Credit where it's due: in the battle against the Forces of Evil, the chief weapon on the side of the righteous (wake up, dummies ... that's US!) is a wickedly wielded sense of humour, and an almost fanatical devotion to the... oh... sorry... http://www.worldzone.net/ss/zekeland/spanishpyth.txt

Taking the Mickey out of another - frighteningly successful – Globaliser: http://www.allfunpix.com/picspages2/big_mac.html

And here, we make the transition to another of the Great Globalisers... chances are all too good that you're supporting him right at this instant! http://www.rabbitw.com/humor/microsoft/mcmicrsf

This little example shows just how accurate Rule Number Seven actually is. When reading this website, you will begin to realise, with a nasty, uneasy feeling, that the people who put it together thought they were being "funny". I find it very interesting to try to extrapolate the mind of the sort of person who might actually laugh at this stuff. Then I wind up laughing too ... but nervously. http://www.stutzfamily.com/mrstutz/Other/gatesrules.htm

On the other hand, this has got some good lines in it... http://www.gusworld.com.au/bill/future.htm ... and rolls the topic right back round to Globalisation. I'm clever, huh?

Seriously, though, Rule Number Seven is the biggie, the winner, the all-important. Because the really funny thing is that all these super-serious, For The Greater Good types rely on everyone either to believe in them, or to be frightened of them, or both. And the best way to avoid either of those two problems is simply to laugh at the bastards ... it infuriates them, because they have no idea how to do it. Happily for us, though, humour is already global: http://www.uta.fi/FAST/US7/FOLK/laughing.html