- Chairs should every night call themselves to an account. What decision have they delayed today? What proposals opposed? What innovation resisted? What public servant frustrated? Other people’s projects will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to this account.
- Be extremely vague, even to the point of deferral. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of confusion. Thereby you can be the director of the public servant’s demise into insanity.
- All public servants servicing the Board pass through three stages. First, they are ridiculed. Second, they are violently opposed. Third, it is accepted that they are too difficult to change and they are ignored.
- All Board meetings are based on procrastination. There is no place where the brakes are not applied. Offer the public servants hope to lure them in, and then trap them in a cage of frustration.
- Where no policy exists, ask for a new one; where a policy exists, ask for a new one; where there is no need for a policy, insist on a new one.
Dillayus - out of the shadow of Futilius
At the same time that Nero was striding through the corridors of Rome, Dillayus was contemplating the complex area of government decision-making. He was born in Rome in AD5 and grew up reading much of the work of Futilius. He identified areas that Futilius had not spent much time researching and ended up specialising in the study of emergency situations where decisions appeared imminent.
He is perhaps not as well known as Futilius, and might not have had the same standing, however he did produce a large body of work that remains relevant. He died in AD64, trapped in the great fire that swept Rome after finding himself distracted by Nero’s fiddle playing and unable to decide on the best course of action until it was too late. His gems of wisdom include:
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- When in doubt, employ an outside expert to review all information.
- The pure joy of procrastination is unrivalled by any other experience in government.
- When all other means of obstruction have been exhausted, all that is left is public consultation, the mother of all delaying tactics.
- There is never enough information to make a decision. Those who disagree are not in possession of all the facts.
- When all is lost and a decision is inevitable, take solace in the fact that you did everything possible to prevent it.
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About the Author
George Friplely has worked in the public service for more than eight years, and in that time has risen to the dizzying heights of managing an agency (for a brief period of time). He has a great deal of experience in dealing with the day-to-day decision-making processes and has a wealth of knowledge about government process.
He is currently in hiding among the stacks of files in his government department, hoping that his revelations do not cause him to become the subject of an ASIO investigation, or worse still, that somebody realises that he actually exists and sends some work his way!
George blogs at governmentandbureaucracy.blogspot.com and www.dregsofhistory.blogspot.com.
George's thoughts on government and bureaucracy are now available in the definitive government employees manual, You Can't Polish A Turd - the Civil Servant's Manual, published by Night Publishing. His next book provisionally titled The Dregs of History is due for release in 2011.