A shameless act of self promotion: my brush with death

But he didn’t say that. He asked me if I had time to talk.

Just as he said that my mobile beeped and I quickly told him to ring on the landline as my battery was about to die. As might I, I thought; those television ads paint a very gloomy picture indeed. But then again I always tend to get ahead of myself.

He said OK and hung up.

One minute later the receptionist put through a call. It was my GP. I had a fair idea what he was going to say.

“It was just as I thought” he said. ”It was a melanoma. I want you to see a specialist at the Alfred Hospital in the next two weeks. I will contact them and you should be forwarded an appointment soon.”

He rattled of a brief scenario of what may happen. And we left the conversation in the understanding that I should expect a further and more extensive resection of the affected area and maybe more depending on what the specialist felt needed to be done.

F**k! I said to myself. As expletives go that one seemed appropriate for the moment.

I resisted the temptation to Google “Melanoma, Prognosis and Treatment” for about one minute. Then when I caved in, not liking what I saw I shut the screen down.

Clearly I had myself dead and buried. I needed to get organised. And what a morbid bastard, when faced with this little dilemma I turned out to be. Perhaps the kids are right and I am just a grumpy old man.

I selected at least four songs I would insist on being sung at my funeral. I planned to not leave a dry eye in the house. Crying would be compulsory for all, followed by a celebration of my life. I am a bit of a control freak as it happens and if any one was going to have a say in my send off it would be ME!

I rang my wife to tell here the news. “S**t” was what I think she said. Much more restrained than my initial response I must admit. I mumbled the usual rubbish about none of us being able to do much about it and lets see what happens when we see the specialist and the GP thinks that he got it all, blah blah blah.

I of course believed little of what I said. I was doomed!