Getting the treatment

These oversights provide further egregious examples of the arrogance commonly displayed by the medical profession, and the total failure of the public hospital system to provide the necessary services, and to stay in touch with the needs of the general public.

Now comes the real heart of the issue - the very winter of my discontent with the treatment I received. By this time the morphine had kicked in, and I was in the position to offer some much needed advice to the medical staff. It saddens me to record that not only were no homeopaths consulted, but also that there seemed to be none on the staff of the emergency unit. There were not even any homeopathic medications available!

That’s right - no vial of 1000x fully sussed tincture of cat piss was on hand!! Such an oversight beggars belief and destroyed what little faith that I had left in the medical profession! Not only were the well documented homeopathic cures not available, but the doctor actually expressed the view that homeopathic medication was useless, with no curative power whatsoever!

I of course knew that one speck of monkey shit dissolved in a globule of water the size of the known universe would provide an instant cure for haemorrhoids, cancer, and every known sexually transmitted disease. I wondered at such ignorance.

What then I asked, of polarity therapy? Would a polarity therapy specialist be made available to brush away the magnetic field residues, and reconnect the magnetic flows across the nodes? To my horror the doctor claimed no knowledge of such a medical procedure!

Would then the house chiropractor be made available? Clearly the subluxations are out of alignment and spinal disorientation with the central force field had bought about this vexatious state of affairs. Imagine my horror when I was informed that there was NO SUCH PERSON! That’s right - a major public hospital with no in-house subluxation expert!

“What then of aroma therapy” I asked - “a whiff of essence of violet subservient to the spirit of Mongolian white rose could be just what I need!” Again - nothing but amused indifference!

I then pleaded for an exorcism. There seemed little doubt that an evil spirit had invaded my kidneys, and an exorcism could well sort the whole thing out. Again, crushing disappointment: none operated under the Medicare system. This in a modern, taxpayer funded general hospital!

The registered nurse even had the effrontery to tell me to “stop taking the piss” and that “the best we can do is a celebrant if you die” while she gave me another morphine injection, having taken time out at the end of a 14-hour shift from attending two heart attack victims, a traffic accident trauma, and someone who had foolishly fallen off a ladder.

Neither was there blessed relief from any highly qualified alternative medicine professionals, who have purchased their PhDs from the best non-accredited universities available.

“What happens next” I asked, shaking off my disappointment and despair. To my dumfounded horror all they could offer was an escorted ambulance ride to the John Hunter hospital for a CT scan! That was it! I was to be trolleyed into a fully equipped ambulance, with a personal attendant and a qualified ambulance driver, to be whisked off to a machine that, operated by a university qualified technician at 11pm, would immediately and painlessly photograph my internal kidney structure and provide a picture of the problem!

I was shattered! This was the final blow, and the final demonstration of a totally defunct public hospital system!