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She's a brick ...

By Audrey Apple - posted Friday, 5 January 2007


  • “It was the most difficult decision of my life.”
  • “I was very depressed afterwards.”
  • “I just know I couldn’t provide the kind of life a child deserves right now.”
  • “I wish I hadn’t done it.”

I’m not saying I think any of these are wrong. Having an abortion affects everyone in vastly different ways. But here’s a few things that I felt about mine:

It was the only option for me. Being pregnant was horrific. I don’t recommend it unless you really, really want a baby.
Two days after the fact, I don’t feel remotely depressed about it. It was not a baby. It was a fetus. It had no concept of pain, loss or fear. Not being pregnant anymore is an intense relief. In many ways, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

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This last one could be seen as problematic. Obviously, it’s macabre for anyone to relate an abortion to a fabulous turn of events. When I say it was one of the best things to happen to me, I mean that it has made me examine my life and what it is I want from it.

I made the (unquestionable) decision to abort the fetus because, quite simply, a child would be a ridiculous thing for me to have right now. I am not ashamed to say that, despite countless bitter criticisms from the pro-life camp, it would be a gross inconvenience and a hindrance.

But I do want to have children in the future. I also want to have a career and a life that is comfortable and stable. I have to make this happen for me and I have to start right now, otherwise the next time I get knocked up, not being able to afford a child will likely outweigh not actually wanting one.

I’ve never apologised for my position on abortion. I have always believed it should be an equal option in reproduction issues and it is the sole right of the pregnant woman to choose. It angers me that the pro-life position seems to rely so heavily on prioritising the rights of the so-called “unborn child” over those of the living, breathing woman in question whose life is already established and who, in ethical terms, surely rates higher in a death match.

Further, in my experience (which has come about through overseeing a huge university weeks long letter writing war, extensive reading, working for a senator during the RU486 debate and general discussion) there have been far too many men weighing in on the subject. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an area in which they shouldn’t DARE to try and dictate the parameters of to women.

As long as women are the ones dealing with what is, for all intents and purposes, a parasite (by which I mean it is biologically dependent upon the host to survive) until the moment of birth, it is they who have the sole right to choose if they want to carry said parasite. I didn’t, and I’m bally grateful I live in a society where I can access an abortion that is both free and safe.

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I, Audrey Apple, have become a statistic and entered the realm of teenagers and feminist song writers. And while I doubt very much if I could have a meaningful connection with any person who uses the, shall we say, more emotive term of “killer” to describe a recipient of an abortion, as I have now joined the ranks of the Murderous Swine I can probably safely say that the aversion to contact is mutual.

Some final thoughts

  • Why has Channel Ten skulked down the tried and tested route of “Abortion is not an option for our fanbase”? We all know where this leads. Miscarriage. Clap. Clap. Clap. Powers that be, wake up and smell the 21st century and answer me this: Why, in all the time I have watched Neighbours in the last few weeks, has Skye Mangal never once uttered the words abortion; termination; I don't want it; I want to get rid of it; out, damn spot? Instead, we are treated to the vague rubbish of “I'm not ready to be a mother”. Obviously if she did have an abortion, thousands of teenage girls would rush out and get pregnant just so they too could get rid of it. Because that's just the kind of chic activity du jour that uterine evacuation is.
  • If RU486 wasn’t still being “trialled”, I might have undergone the procedure in the privacy and comfort of my own home. Thank you again Mr Abbott - FOR NOTHING.
  • Having said that, general anaesthetics are fucking rad. They are like an unexpected mid afternoon nap wrapped up in a childhood memory of ice skating and pink cheeks.
  • My parents are quite simply the best people on this planet, and I can never understand who deemed me lucky enough to be given to them.
  • Similarly, the doctors and nurses at my hospital were brilliant. If you are genuinely seeking an abortion in South Australia and you want a recommendation, please email me privately and I shall pass their name onto you.

Peace out (and respect to all those that fight to defend sexual freedom).

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First published in Audrey and the Bad Apples on June 23, 2006. It is republished as part of "Best Blogs of 2006" a feature in collaboration with Club Troppo, and edited by Ken Parish, Nicholas Gruen et al.



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About the Author

Audrey Apple began life as a student newspaper editor before discovering the addiction of blogging. She has worked as an English teacher in Japan, an assistant to a prominent Senator and a slave to the most maniacal man in retail. She laments the lack of opportunities for young creative types in South Australia, but is so utterly hopeless at financial planning that she'll probably be stuck there forever. She recently discovered Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis and Persepolis 2 and claims they, like the discovery of feminism, changed her life. She is giddy as a schoolgirl over the election of our dishy new PM and finally excited about Australia.

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