Male myths hard to kill

News last week that there was a sickening DVD circulating in some schools showing a group of males assaulting a young girl has sparked an outpouring of shock and disgust. The community's response is not surprising.

Then comes a report that a Sydney religious leader believes women are responsible for provoking sex attacks by going out and wearing make-up, or dressing "immodestly" rather than staying at home.

But what is surprising and deeply disturbing is the prevalence of myths and attitudes that breed the actions of those young thugs or the remarks of that religious leader.

VicHealth's release of a report on the community's attitudes to violence against women shows that when dealing with these myths, it's a case of two steps forward, one step back. And the group that most needs to address this challenge is not the schools, the teachers, the police or the politicians, but the men of our community.

According to the report Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, 97 per cent of Victorians now agree that domestic violence is a crime, and 93 per cent now understand that forced sex in a relationship is a crime.

So, in a generally law-abiding community like ours, why do some young males still believe they can gang up on a young woman and bully her into a degrading situation?

It also appears that the practice of boys "having sex" (whether consent is present is unclear), taking video clips and then circulating the material around schools on mobile phones is not at all uncommon. Mobile phones and the Internet have spread bullying and harassment wider than ever before.

These sorts of behaviours are linked to the attitudes revealed in the VicHealth study, which shows that many of us find excuses for violence. For example, nearly two in five Victorians still believe the myth that men who rape do so because they can't control their sexual urges. Almost one in four of us still believe women make up complaints of rape, and 15 per cent believe women often say "no" to sex when they mean "yes".

In large part, the excuses too many of us make for such actions end up silently supporting those actions, and it's more likely to be men finding those excuses.

We also underestimate the impact of social, emotional and financial abuse on the lives of women. Significant portions of the population believe acts such as yelling abuse, controlling women's social lives, contact with family and friends or denying them money, are not serious or a form of violence against women.

Trying to shift the blame, or some of it, on to the woman for forced sex or rape or any other form of violence is just searching for an excuse for actions that are inexcusable under any circumstances.

Those excuses fester because we haven't yet succeeded in killing off the myths that feed them.

That's why the reported sermon of Sheik Hilali is so disappointing.

All religious leaders are in a position to influence community attitudes and our research shows these negative attitudes are not confined to one religion.

Of course, for the overwhelming majority of men, the kind of behaviour perpetrated by those young thugs in Werribee is completely foreign. Most men believe that the days when the workplace was a male domain in which the denigration of women was acceptable, or the home was a place for the male to exert his dominance, are long gone.

Or so we think.

These myths still flourish, and all too often can translate into the tragic reality of violence against women.

One bright light is that the Victorian police have changed how they respond to family violence. No longer is the response "Oh it's just a domestic" since the introduction of a new code of conduct in 2004. And those surveyed acknowledge that the system is far more supportive than it used to be.

Violence against women is too serious and too common for us to just pick up the pieces after assault has occurred. We need to stop it before it starts by attacking the myths and excuses driving such actions and attitudes and invest in initiatives to prevent violence before it occurs.

For men, that means finding and supporting ways to reverse those attitudes that could one day hurt someone you love - your sister, mother, wife or daughter.

On November 25, Victorians go to the polls but it also happens to be International White Ribbon Day. It marks 16 days of action to reinforce that all men have the responsibility to oppose violence against women.

As we have seen this week, we have much more work to do to end violence against women than we might have thought.