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The hidden victims of domestic violence

By Vanessa de Largie - posted Tuesday, 14 June 2022

Earlier this year, Stanley Obi, 33, died from being burnt in a Queensland house fire, lit by his ex-partner Sarah Mudge – who also perished in the blaze.

Stanley Obi was a young Nigerian man who sustained critical burns to 90% of his body after hisviolent former partner allegedly doused him (and his new girlfriend) with petrol, after breaking into their Logan home.

His new partner, Coletta Phillips, thankfully survived the house fire and was able to save Obi's three young children, all under the age of five.


Obi was a loving father, son, brother and qualified nurse but because he wasn't a woman, his alleged murder received little-to-no coverage in the Australian media.

There were no schmaltzy and sympathetic social media posts from the likes of Clementine Ford and Lisa Wilkinson nor were umpteen vigils being held by large crowds of people around the country.

If you plan on being murdered or raped in 'this land of sweeping plains' (insert sarcasm here), you better hope you possess a vagina, otherwise you're pretty well screwed.

Forget the fact that approximately two-thirds of homicide victims are Aussie blokes, they are continually treated as perpetrators and I think it's about time we changed the narrative.

The sad story of Stanley Obi's life being stolen by the unhinged mother of his children supposedly occurred after he had won custody of them. It was meant to be an exciting time of new beginnings and fresh starts but instead – this loving father is now dead.

How is this tragedy any different to the murder of Hannah Baxter Clarke who was killed in a car-fire with her three children (that was lit by her husband) back in February 2020 in Camp Hill, Queensland?


It isn't. The only difference is gender and the fact that male victims of violence are silenced, ignored and overlooked.

Coercive Control includes a multitude of behaviours such as; jealousy, name-calling, monitoring activity and making threats, all of which Sarah Mudge is allegedly guilty of.

It seems that Sarah Mudge, (much like Clarke's murderous spouse) had zero issue with killing her three children but fortunately for them, she was unsuccessful due to the heroic acts of Stanley Obi's current girlfriend.

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About the Author

Vanessa de Largie is a freelance journalist. She is the resident sex-columnist at Maxim Magazine and writes a regular column for The Spectator.

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