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Heads up!

By Ian Nance - posted Thursday, 11 April 2019


Mannerscan typically demonstrate one's identity within a socio-cultural group. They usually set the demarcation of socio-cultural identities and the creation of boundaries which inform who is to be trusted or who is to be considered what some refer to as "other-table material".

Manners help make contact between people pleasant and not irritating. A lot depends on courtesy and behaving towards other people in the same way you would like them to treat you.

Having good manners means acting in a way that is socially acceptable and respectful; excellent manners can help you to have better relationships with people you know, or will meet.

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Some are learnt through acceptance of what is familiar, and through exposure and realisation of the behavior of those who are identified as foreign or different. Those folk may suffer alienation from those identifying with a particular grouping which might reflect a person's fashion or community standing.

Those of you who are elderly would possibly have grown up in a culture where politeness was paramount, perhaps thanks to a grounding by your parents. One reason for parents accepting the general rules of behavior could have been to show that caring for others often results in reciprocal returns of goodness, in the same way that discourtesy often triggers retaliation.

I suggest that in today's less rigid milieu, many forms of personal habit are no longer governed by established societal attitudes but rather stem from a less sensitive interest in the reactions of others, or else a total disregard for them.

Every culture adheres to a different set of manners, and a lot of manners are cross-culturally common. Manners are a subset of norms which are informally enforced through self-regulation, social policing, and being publicly performed.

During my defence service, I gained a companion who was born in England and did some of his national service in the Brigade of Guards. With much hilarity, he used to recount one occasion concerning removing head dress when going indoors. As his unit was filing into its regular Sunday church parade, a couple of military police, the "Redcaps", were positioned at the entrance. My friend was a bit late in removing his beret, at which one Redcap barked at him, forcefully, "Caps orf in the house of Gawd, c***!"

Although the British have a well deserved reputation for their nuance and speed of humour as well as a history of etiquette and high standards of social deportment, cultural quirks regarding manners are quite trans-national.

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In China, a person who takes the last item of food from a common plate or bowl without first offering it to others at the table may be seen as a glutton who is insulting the host's generosity.

Traditionally, if guests do not have leftover food in front of them at the end of a meal, it is to the dishonour of the host.

In the United States of America, a guest is expected to eat all of the food given to them, as a compliment to the quality of the cooking. However, it is still considered polite to offer food from a common plate or bowl to others at the table.

In such rigid hierarchal cultures as Korea and Japan, alcohol helps to break down the strict social barrier between classes. It allows for a hint of informality to creep in. It is traditional for host and guest to take turns filling each other's cups and encouraging each other to gulp it down. For someone who does not consume alcohol (except for religious reasons), it can be difficult escaping the ritual of the social drink.

Getting to the topic of this article, I enjoy dining out but sometimes am a bit disconcerted at the seeming ignorance or disregard of the positive impact of tasteful manners by some (no pun intended). I've seen instances of people eating in a group while wearing caps.

Recently I watched a sole young adult wolfing down his meal while wearing headphones, as well as the obligatory baseball cap (right way round, I might add!), and with sunglasses parked on top.

Sure - he was alone, so was probably trying to entertain himself, but his poise was one of complete social and cultural isolation from the surrounds, and I wondered why he had even bothered to join the ambience of this restaurant in the first place.

If you wear a hat indoors, it suggests that you have someplace better to be. It's also a sign that you're going somewhere!
A woman is exempt from this rule if her hat is considered to be decorative, and not functional.
The gesture of removing ones hat, headdress or helmet dates back to ancient times, however the exact date of origin is not known.

Knights removed helmets in the presence of a king, as a display of vulnerability and trust that the king would not kill them. They also removed helmets in church as an expression of security in one's sanctuary, and displayed chivalry by removing headpieces in the presence of a lady.

The practice of removing one's hat evolved to represent a show of respect and courtesy in various situations -- including the removal of the hat when entering a home, courtroom, restaurant ,or church.

These old customs are not necessarily dated, especially if they help to make others feel in greater harmony with you, so there is much to be said for keeping them in fashion.

So, hats off for harmony! It could help manners to get ahead.

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About the Author

Ian Nance's media career began in radio drama production and news. He took up TV direction of news/current affairs, thence freelance television and film producing, directing and writing. He operated a program and commercial production company, later moving into advertising and marketing.

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