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A challenge for men: raising happier sons

By Peter West - posted Thursday, 6 April 2017


4. Read together. Find a book that means something to him. Let him choose. Take turns in reading. This is precious time. Make sure your partner appreciates that and you're not interrupted. You are the role model for your son, not some big muscle-bound footballer. Be the dad you always wanted to have yourself. Someone who isn't afraid to pick up a book. Eight year old boys tell me they like reading comics, factual books, books about building, schoolboy wizards, books about farting and bottoms. And later on : factual books, comedy books, books of records. It doesn't matter that much what's read.

5. Sport is a huge part of boys' lives. Be part of this! Sport helps guys make friends, strengthen friendships and lets guys talk in a fairly free atmosphere. Find a sport you both enjoy. Yes, I hated sport when I was growing up! They made me play boring team games. Like cricket-yuk! Standing around for hours in the sun in an Australian summer? No thanks ! Later on in life I found things I like doing. My kids loved canoeing with me. Gym can be fun. Young guys are good at parkour. That's jumping all around in parks and buildings: 'the world is my gym', they might say. Dad- just be careful you don't try to show off on that skateboard- you might break a leg or bust an ankle. Many dads have!

6. Give him your time. Dad- put your life on a page. Where is your relationship with your son? In the middle, or crammed into a corner? Work on it! As we said at the start: fathers and sons is a harder road than dads and daughters. Give it thought and patience. It can be just as rewarding.

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7. Be positive. Too often as kids we were given a pile of garbage: boys can't do this, you can't wear pink, blah blah. Don't be afraid to tell him what he's done well. Forget all the "don't's and "you mustn't". Catch him doing something right, and praise him. You do praise him, don't you? We all love a bit of praise.

8. Love the son you have. Let other people struggle with their sons. They might be some big-name athlete; but often these shining stars crash and burn. Be the person who believes in your son's potential. Have faith in what he can do. I believe many young dads are indeed doing it better these days. And the research agrees.

9. Be prepared to fail sometimes. This is one of the most challenging things you will ever do. But you enjoy a challenge, right? And the rewards are fantastic.

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About the Author

Dr Peter West is a well-known social commentator and an expert on men's and boys' issues. He is the author of Fathers, Sons and Lovers: Men Talk about Their Lives from the 1930s to Today (Finch,1996). He works part-time in the Faculty of Education, Australian Catholic University, Sydney.

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