My life as a bully

Mattia's (Luca Marinelli) suffering stems from his failure as a child to meet perceived expectations. His mother resents him and demands that he care for his autistic twin sister. This is a large burden for a young boy who is desperate to be accepted by peers who have their own expectations of behaviour. Mattia's temptation to be, for once, selfish, results in tragedy.

Throughout life Mattia is drawn to Alice (Alba Rohrwacher) , who is similarly damaged by parental and social expectations. She was a childhood skiing prodigy, but her potential was snuffed out after her taskmaster father cajoled her into practicing under perilous conditions.

As a teenager, now walking with a permanent limp, Alice is teased then befriended by a popular but troubled girl, who, like Cassandra in She Monkeys, coddles her with both sensuality and sadism. The friendship ends in humiliation for one, and moral degradation for the other.

As adults Mattia's and Alice's traumas draw them close while also keeping them apart. They are twin prime numbers, similar in their uniqueness, but destined never to touch. The past appears to be forever within and between them; its pain, permanent.

Childhood traumas are not easily overcome. Do Paul, Sean and Travis ever think about me, and wince? Do they have scars on their confidence roughly the size and shape of the barbs with which they were barraged, by me?" href

A post script. After Sean, but before Travis, there was Adam. He was smarter and more self-assured than any of us. I don't know if he suffered badly from our bullying, but if he did, it was in silence. And, remarkably, he remained a close friend.

I'm sure now that he saw through my cruel bravado to its source in fear and adolescent self-loathing. It was more than I deserved. I can only wish that I am capable of such grace. 

Names have been changed.