Abortion: Grief, suffering – or relief?‏

Does society ignore the pain abortion causes women? Or do we prefer not to hear the truth that what a great many women feel about abortion is blessed relief.

The later is not popular with so-called right to lifers. It goes like this - human life is sacred, so to terminate the burgeoning of that life is to commit a heinous crime. The only way this can be justified is with the satisfaction of knowing that the woman doing so will suffer for the term of her natural life. If not beyond.

Many years ago, I wrote a newspaper column saying that the women who get upset after abortion are the ones who choose to get upset - probably because they really did not want to have an abortion in the first place. However, a great many others – for whom abortion was their choice, for whatever reason - accept their decision, are relieved by it and move on.

Both the column and my opinions have never gone away. They pop up Melinda Tankard Reist's book Giving Sorrow Words: Women's Stories of Grief After Abortion. Melinda Tankard Reist is a Canberra-based writer, speaker and commentator, with a special interest in issues affecting women and girls.

The 2010 book is the result of a small newspaper advertisement asking women to discuss their abortion grief. A total of 250 women responded and 18 were chosen for the book.

According to a recent review on the Catholic Online website the book "gives voice to the voiceless: those women who had abortions and are suffering as a result." (March 22)

The reviewer, Andrea Mrozek, of the Canadian pro-life website The Interim, takes me to task for my views.

My quote? "Abortion can be an emotional subject, particularly for people who choose to get upset about it. There is a movement taking hold called: 'I'll always regret what I did and want to burn in hell for it."

Mrozek writes: "Tsitas might not have scribbled those words had she had the opportunity to read but one of the stories from Giving Sorrow Words. Each woman is unique but two ideas unify the voices. The first is the myth that abortion is a neutral or easy choice. The second is that abortion is actually a choice."

Actually, I carefully wrote rather than "scribbled" those words and I would do so again, even though I would now write from a different perspective – that of a mother.

I was a much younger, childless journalist back then. I now have two children, and have co-authored and published a book on high risk pregnancy. Handle With Care was written to give dignity and a voice to the countless women who struggle against the odds to become mothers because of an underlying medical condition, or because something goes terribly wrong in pregnancy.

The book was a result of my personal experience, and that of co-author Caroline van de Pol. We had both been through high risk pregnancy and found there were no books for the average reader on the subject.

We interviewed more than 25 women, their partners and experts in the medical profession. What struck me time and time again with the women's stories was that no matter how much personal danger they were in during their pregnancies, not one ever decided to terminate the pregnancy because of the severe risk to her health.

It didn't surprise me. As someone who was only able to become a mother at great cost to my own long term health, I knew in my marrow that if a woman wants the baby she is carrying, she will do everything to keep it.

Many of the women I interviewed were faced with the decision of what to do when tests revealed their baby had severe abnormalities. In each case, the women terminated the pregnancy. They and their partners generously shared those stories; the procedure, the sorrow, the child's name. There was great sadness, but there was acceptance.

That acceptance with their decision is something the women in Giving Sorrow Words do not have. Why? Because they obviously wanted the baby, but lacked the courage of their convictions and now want to blame others for their regret.

Women who really want the baby they are carrying will do anything to keep it. Women in a high-risk pregnancy require frequent hospitalisation, invasive tests, months of bed rest, painful daily injections – the list goes on. Birth is also a risky business for them.

Every story you read of a premature baby is the result of a high risk pregnancy. Suddenly the mother develops pre-eclampsia, a life threatening condition. Or her cervix opens up after 20 weeks, and the baby is born too early. Maybe it is her heart, kidneys, diabetes or a blood problem.

I recall one woman telling me "bleeding to death is a peaceful way to go", and another who despite painful daily injections, still developed a life-threatening blood clot after birth. Another had an eclamptic fit. Her husband was told she'd be brain injured and need a kidney transplant.

These women all went back and had another baby. Just as I did – knowing the cost to their health.

So I have no time for the women who can't get over their abortions. They obviously didn't want to have a termination in the first place. While I feel sorry for them, I also refuse to buy into the pro-life line that every abortion will cause grief.

Mzorek writes "The tortured lives of these women stand as testimony to what abortion offers." No it doesn't. Abortion offers just one thing only – an end to a pregnancy. You either accept that, or don't have an abortion.