The Sisterhood of Men-Baggers

The subject header I received on this one was “For the girls … brilliant!”:

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired."

This one came in with the subject header “Clever!”:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine: la casa. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: el lapiz. A student asked, “What gender is the word computer?” Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:

1. no one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that “computer” should be masculine (“el computador”), because:

1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. they have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. as soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

I’m not a complete men-bagging wowser. I can see the truth in some of the stereotypes. As it happens, I do believe that men as a group have a serious issue with asking for directions, and yes, there could be a gender factor in relation to farting under the covers.

What bothers me is the mean-spirited and self-defeating nature of the endeavour. For the sake of a few small laughs, the same women who argue the case for equal rights and opportunities are sustaining a culture of gender-based discrimination.

The last email I looked at before my “immediate delete” policy came into practice came in with the subject header “Gotta love this one!”:

NEW UNI COURSE
That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you too can be a real man as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS - Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under Things for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act like an arse when you’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SE#X 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SE#X 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SE#X 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important I
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II
Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Talk about a belly laugh.

In the time I saved not reading emails from would-be comediennes about the sex-addicted, emotionally-vacant, mother-in-law-hating male of the species, I read that one in six Australian men suffer from depression at any given time, four times more young men than young women commit suicide, and the suicide rate for males aged 15 to 24 years has tripled in recent years.

Call me a traitor to the Sisterhood, but perhaps men could do with a little less bagging.