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Dirk Flinthart's recently developed property whimsies

By Dirk Flinthart - posted Tuesday, 15 May 2001


Times like this, I find myself asking why I do these things. I mean, this month, they want me to dig up funny stuff about real estate and property development.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that normally, when I'm digging up funny stuff on property developments, people get hurt. Frequently me. Property developers have a reputation as being a very nasty breed of reptile, in my experience. I don't go after them unless I'm carrying serious firepower, and plenty of medicinal alcohol.

Secondly, I'd just like to point out that once again, I've been handed a theme which is basically not funny. It's not just me, either. I can prove it. Check this website: http://www.bcfarmsforsale.net/humour.htm This place is so sad and lame that it's actually funny despite itself, in a pathetic sort of way. It appears to be some poor real-estate schmuck's desperate attempt to regain a semblance of the life and soul he was required to mortgage on entering the business - and the briefest of appraisals will reveal how sadly he's failed. Just goes to show: there is no life after Real Estate.

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I wish they'd do an issue on Editors. I bet there's no end of funny crap out there about Editors. They're weird people.

Of course, there is a certain mordant humour in Real Estate from time to time. Take a look at this little site: http://ctrealtor.com/legal/psyc6923.htm. This law concerns "psychologically impacted properties". In the state of Connecticut - and a bunch of other US states - it is no longer necessary to tell potential buyers if their house has a bit of a history. Say, for example, if it was owned by a multiple mass-murderer who liked to make boy scout-burgers in his basement. Now, if the barbecuing process actually caused damage to the house, you, as a realtor, would be required to tell possible buyers. But if it was just a matter of the place being owned for several years by the chief of the Cannibal Necrophilia Fun Club - well, that wouldn't be regarded as something the buyer really needed to know. Uh-uh.

Wait a minute. That's not funny either, is it? That's just bloody depressing.

Usually, in property development, it's a carnivore's world pure and simple. Here's a site on one of the most famous real estate deals in all of history: http://www.thebeadsite.com/MED-MAN.html

Here's another deal, almost as legendary as the last one. You have to admire anybody as forward-thinking as this bloke... http://www.blanck.de/privat/irland/guinness.htm

While we're at it, this is yet another legendary real estate bargain: http://www.everythingalaska.com/eta.sfy.html

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Of course, when you think about it, none of these "bargains" really compares with just turning up, hoisting the Union Jack and shouting "Terra Bloody Nullius, Mate," does it? Damn! Now THAT'S the way a REAL property developer does business...

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About the Author

Dirk Flinthart is a writer and student who lives in Tasmania.

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